The scars of your love they leave me breathless

Author: simph8
Rating: Various
Warnings: AU, Angst, Fluff, Trips, Jealousy, Sex, Confrontations, Family, Non-con
Characters: Chinen Yuri, Takaki Yuya, Yabu Kota, Inoo Kei, Yaotome Hikaru, OMCs (Yabu Kyohei, Takaki Yuuki)
Notes: The drabbles have various settings and depicts various events of the whole verse. The only thing one must know before reading them is that it exists another long fic, that I haven't translated becasue it's unfinished. The gist of it is that there is a sixteen-years-old Yuuki who doesn't get along at all with Yuya because of who he is and because of what he's done in the past to Yuri. Then Yuuki gets kidnapped by a rival family which (supposedly) leads to a reconciliation with his father. 

The scars of your love they leave me breathless

Help

Chinen had thought a thousand times to ask for help, to try to run, to do something to run from Yuya’s tortures.

He had thought about everything, but he had never done a thing.

He hated it, but he was terrified by Yuya.

Every time they went out he looked at strangers and he wondered whether they could read how desperate he was in his eyes.

Perhaps.

No one had ever offered the help he needed anyway.

Yuri sighed, sitting in Yuya’s car, headed to Yokohama. He should’ve learnt to live with it, after a year. But he couldn’t.

He wasn’t going to break under Yuya, ever.

He was going to keep surviving, day after day, swallowing the pain and the anger.

It would’ve been over, someday, he knew that. He just had to be patient.

Just a little while longer.

Dance

Yuri liked to dance, even though he didn’t do that often. He wasn’t willing to give Yuya yet another reason to tease him.

Thanks, but no thanks.

But still it happened, when he was alone, to hint a few dance steps. It was weird, but it made him feel alive, it made him feel like something more than an abandoned relic.

He liked to feel free, no matter how little that feeling lasted. When Yuya came back home, he slipped into the dark abyss again.

But he was learning to live with him.

Little by little, step by step.

It’s only a matter of time, he told himself.

He just needed to try some more.

Step after step.

Scars

Yuri didn’t even have time to close the hotel room door behind them, that Yuya started kissing him, holding him close.

Yuya’s hands were touching him already, and Yuri muffled a moan on the yakuza’s mouth. They hadn't let go for weeks, and in a split second they were already naked, on the bed, touching each other, moaning, kissing, having sex like animals.

Once they gained control back, Yuya held him close.

“What you’ve done today, take your shirt off in front of everyone, showing your scars openly... must’ve been hard.” he murmured.

Yuri raised his head, kissing him.

“This is me. I'm not ashamed of what I've been through. I’ve survived it.” he whispered. “You and Yuuki are all I need.”

Devotion

Every time he looked at Kota and Kei, Yuri felt a lump in his throat, a poorly hidden jealousy.

He knew his friends’ story, and it reeked of devotion.

Cold, hard fact.

Kota had sacrificed himself for Kei, he had looked after him and loved him like no one in his place would’ve ever done.

Everyone else had abandoned Kei; it was easier to leave him behind than care for him.

Kota had stood everything with his head held high, never complaining.

Devotion, and an incontrollable love.

Yuya had called it idiocy, once. Perhaps he was right, Yuri really couldn’t say, but whatever it was which pushed Kota to go on every day, he knew he admired it.

Perhaps, after all, devotion and idiocy were just the same thing.

Label

Yuri had never been one to care too much about definitions or labels.

Yuya loved him. He knew he did. He had proven that, in his own way. He had made him understand how he felt, he had made sacrifices for him, repressing a side of himself that no one had thought he could tame.

But he had done that for him, because he loved him. Because he cared for him.

Because he wanted to make him happy, trying to redeem himself for those years in which he had tortured and enslaved him.

It was hard and it was always going to be, they were both aware of that. It wasn’t going to be easy to try and blend that uncomfortable past with their uncertain future, but they were going to try.

Yuri didn’t need anything to define the unhealthy bond keeping them together, for life.

No labels at all.

Just Yuya and Yuri.

Son

The first time he had laid his eyes on that small sleeping bundle, Yuri had felt his heart clenching right away.

He looked so little and defenceless in Yuya’s arms, and Yuri couldn’t help wondering how those hands could be so delicate right now.

Yuya stepped toward his boyfriend, without tearing his eyes from the newborn.

“Yuya, where did you take him?” he whispered, reaching out to brush a finger over the baby’s face.

“He was at the brother. I thought he deserved a better life. With you.”

He had stopped wondering how parents got rid of their children, but Yuri’s stomach clenched anyway.

Then he smiled.

“Not only with me, Yuya. With you as well.”

Yuya smiled back, holding tight on the baby.

“Welcome home, Yuuki.”

Jealousy

Yuri didn’t think of himself as a jealous person. He trusted Yuya, he knew he wasn’t going to cheat on him.

Yuya had a lot to himself, but he was no liar.

But, standing in the middle of the road, something made his heart beat faster.

Yuya and a woman, sitting at a coffee shop, talking and looking so complicit that Yuri involuntarily held Yuuki’s hand tighter.

Yuya saw him, he smiled and signalled for him to join them. Slowly, Yuri obeyed, picking Yuuki up and getting closer to the table.

He noticed right away the paper, notes, graphics and his heart started beating at a regular pace again.

“Yuri, she’s my eyes outside of Kabuki-cho, Takimura Kaori. Kaori, they’re Yuri and Yuuki.” he explained, proud.

Yuya smiled again, and the ice on Yuri’s heart melted definitively.

Stupid and useless jealousy.

Meeting

Yabu Kota was Yuya’s henchman, an almost mythological figure. Since he had been living with Yuya, he hadn't met him yet. And, him being Yuya’s right arm and all, Yuri had imagined someone more terrifying.

Like Yuya.

Instead he looked pretty normal, like someone he could’ve met at the conbini, working as a clerk.

Their first meeting had been a disaster. Kota had Yuya’s keys, and he had walked inside the apartment without warning.

Yuri was on the couch, Yuya under the shower.

Kota had seen him naked and bleeding and hurt, and Yuri had never felt so humiliated in his whole life .

Back then, Yuri didn’t know that in a few years Kota would’ve become like a brother to him.

Jounetsu (Passion)

If there was one thing which Yuri loved since his life had changed – after Yamada, after Sendai – it was sex with Yuya.

He had noticed how much the elder had changed, how he himself had. The way they approached each other was a whole other thing now.

The was passion and desire to feel their bodies together, skin against skin, breath inside breath.

Yuri wasn’t scared anymore of Yuya’s hands getting closer, he craved them.

He wanted to feel their rough and impatient touch against himself. He gravitated around him.

The elder kept marking him, but in a different way. He owned him like one owned his boyfriend, not an object.

And Yuri hoped that the passion and the craving were never going to abandon Yuya’s eyes, when he looked at him.

Hikaru

The man thrust inside of him as if he intended to take the most of any moment he could spend there.

Yuri moaned, holding tight onto his shoulders. He wanted to tell him to rush, because Yuya could be back any moment. But he wasn’t going to. He liked this too much.

Reality, dream, risk and danger blending.

When Hikaru came inside of him Yuri rolled his head back, opening his eyes while horror appeared on his face.

Yuya was staring at them, and he felt dead already, but the elder didn’t do anything. He just left him there, abandoned him there.

Yuri kept quiet, staring behind Hikaru. Yuya hadn't reacted, and Yuri didn’t know why, but he wished he had done otherwise.

He needed to know Yuya cared about him.

But there was nothing.

Kyohei

From time to time Yuri wondered how it could be possible for kids with no blood tie with their parents could end up looking so much like them.

Just like Kyohei.

He was only sixteen, but he was already aware of how to make a man fall at his feet, just like Kei.

And it made him smile the way Yuuki, so incredibly similar to Yuya, had fallen the hardest.

Yuri couldn’t help laughing.

Behind every attention Kyohei paid to Yuuki there was a love so solid, deep and unique which scared him, as young as they were.

Something unexplainable, as if that red thread was real.

They were soulmates. They were destined to each other.

A little like, in their own twisted way, Yuri and Yuya were.

Tears

Yuri had cried a few times, but never like that. Yuya, on the filthy floor of the warehouse, was motionless.

When Yuri had seen him, something in his body had ceased working. He couldn’t breathe, think, keep control over himself.

He cried and shivered, next to Yuya, shaking him, punching his chest, trying in vain to control himself.

Then, all of a sudden, he thought he had felt Yuya moving.

It was a small jerk, almost imperceptible, and he feared he had made it up; but then, when his tears were drying up, he heard it.

Yuya’s voice.

“Look at that...” he wheezed, opening his eyes. “Did I need to almost die to see you cry?”

Yuri gasped, then he slipped on the floor, speechless.

He grabbed his hand, holding it, leaning against his chest and listening to his heartbeat.

“You’re an idiot.” he smiled.

Die

It couldn’t be so bad, dying. He had thought about it a lot of times. He wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to stand Yuya and his tortures.

Maybe killing himself would’ve been more dignified, he would’ve spared himself suffering and tears.

What bound him to Yuya, after all? What bound him to life itself? Who or what was he still waiting for.

But he was too proud, even to kill himself.

Yuri fell back on the bed, hiding the sleeping pills inside the nightstand’s drawer.

He brushed his hands over his face, bothered by his own cowardice.

In the end, it was that. He didn’t have the courage, and he wondered whether Yuya would’ve felt responsible. Most likely, not.

He was used to the lack of a conscience, and to have blood on his hands.

Perhaps Yuya was right, as usual.

He wasn’t brave enough to die a dignified death.

Null

There was an emptiness in his chest. Yuri knew it. Emotions and feelings stolen by Yuya’s violence.

The null spread, day after day, swallowing him. Just like Yuya, he had become a killer.

With his hands already dirty of his own parents’ blood, he had killed those yakuza to save Yuya.

He wanted to do something, but the awareness of who he had become had destabilized him.

He should’ve felt something.

Disgust, horror.

Instead, nothing. Emptiness.

The hand holding the gun shivered a little, but nothing could stop it.

He had become a killer and a monster, heartless, locked in a vortex of violence culminating with Yuya.

Jailor, addiction and safety all in one.

That emptiness floating around Yuya had gotten to him, killing him slowly. But he was going to survive.

No matter the cost.

Hatred

It had been an easy emotion for Yuri to feel.

Hatred for his parents.

Hatred for the yakuza, for Yuya.

Hatred for himself.

Hatred. Pure and simple.

Yuri knew it was that very same hatred which kept him alive. No hopes nor trust.

Hatred. Just that.

It wasn’t something he could explain. It was a feeling coming from his insides, and it grew restlessly.

And Yuri had fed it, without even being ashamed of the way he treated himself.

From time to time he cut himself, the way Yuya would’ve.

He had never noticed.

At every cut the hatred grew, the anger became sharper. He closed his eyes, feeling the solution slip away with his blood.

He was trapped in his own hatred, waiting for it to consume him.

Dad

Yuri stayed on the doorway, listening to Yuuki speak with Yuya, after all these years. He closed his eyes.

Yuuki’s abduction, running to the hospital for Yuya. He had thought he was going to die.

More invisible scars which weren’t going to leave him.

Yuuki spoke low, Yuya kept quiet, waiting for the final verdict.

“I’ve hated you. For what you’ve done to daddy, for what you are. For years I’ve thought daddy’s done all this to survive your tortures. Then you’ve been hurt... I saw him cry. He wasn’t faking it.”

Yuya smiled, sad.

“I’ve got a match on Sunday. You can come if you want. Dad.”

Yuri had seen Yuya cry just once, but it was different now.

Those tears were out of joy.

His family was back.

Calm

Yuri had been living in that environment long enough to recognize the calm before the storm.

He walked through Kabuki-cho and he could feel there was something strange.

A slight tension in the air, of the subtle ones, slipping under the skin.

Yuya was nervous and spent days holed up in his home office. He often skipped meals.

That night Yuuki had gotten to bed early, and Yuya had joined Yuri on the couch, keeping quiet. Yuri closed his eyes.

“You’re having problems with the Akai Chou.” he stated.

Yuya nodded. After all those years, he should’ve stopped being surprised by Yuri’s acumen.

“There’s going to be troubles over Meguro. They crossed the line.” he said.

“Promise you’re going to be careful.” he murmured.

“No one can defeat Takaki Yuya.”

“Except for me.” Yuri replied, smiling.

“That’s fine.” Yuya whispered on his lips.

Regret

Yuri had wondered just once how his life would’ve looked, had he chosen to run away with Hikaru that day.

If he had escaped. A normal life, a normal boyfriend, the chance to finally leave his past behind.

Being able to walk without feeling the weight of those scars pulling him down, slowly.

But, as much as he could think about it, he couldn’t picture it. He knew deep inside it was impossible.

“Daddy!” Yuuki yelled, interrupting his train of thoughts. “Where’s my gear? I’ve got the match!”

“In its place in the closet.” he replied, with an amused snort.

Yuri handed Yuya his jacket, and the elder kissed him.

“I love you.” he said, spontaneously. “You... well, you looked depressed, so...” he shrugged, embarrassed.

Yuri smiled back.

He didn’t regret having chosen Yuya, because he knew all too well what he would’ve missed otherwise.

A family.

School

Yuri liked school. He had always liked to study, to discover new things. He had always been curious about everything surrounding him.

Then his parents had sold him, Yuya had bought him and studying had been the furthest thing from his mind.

Getting back to school had been like being able to breathe after a long time; freeing, peaceful.

He felt good there. No one paid attention. No one spoke of him as Takaki Yuya’s bitch.

A boy sat next to him in the library. He looked shy, and Yuri thought he seemed trustful.

“I'm Chinen Yuri. The new guy.” he introduced himself.

The other boy smiled, embarrassed.

“Okamoto Keito.” he murmured, blushing.

Chinen smiled like a girl.

Yuya was going to tease him to death. 

Tattoo

When he was younger, Yuri didn’t like Yuya’s tattoos. He had never seen beyond it, he had been straight terrified by it.

The first time he had seen it he was thirteen, Yuya naked in front of him.

Yuya was going to tell him about the Nishikigoi a long time after that.

A whole story enclosed in a drawing on the back of a man.

Now, in the present, in his complete peace, Yuya had his back turned on him again, and Yuri watched the muscles tense, and the dragon moving, the flowers shaking, the water flow.

He was enchanted.

Straight lines, aggressive colours, no compromises. Just like Yuya.

All of a sudden he wasn’t scared anymore, and he managed to see it for what it was.

A work of art, and nothing more.

Drunk

Yuri was used to see Yuya drunk. They had been together six years, and it had happened for him to have to go retrieve the pieces of his dignity outside a bar of Kabuki-cho.

It hadn't happened often for that to lead to violent attacks, like now.

Yuya, when he was out of control, wasn’t a pretty show.

Yuri brought a hand to his mouth, swallowing the blood. The first slap had arrived all of a sudden, and he barely managed to avoid the second one. He felt his breath heavy and broken, he looked at Yuya as a hunted animal.

He threw himself on a side, avoiding a punch, and he ran away from the kitchen to the living room. But Yuya was fast, he grabbed him and pushed him against a wall, weakly tightening his hand around his throat.

Yuri stared into Yuya’s eyes. They were wet.

“Did you love Hikaru?” he whispered.

Vacation

Okinawa was beautiful, just like he remembered. Yuri and Yuya had been there before Yuuki’s arrival, then they hadn't moved much.

There had been Yuri’s job, Yuya’s problems at work, Yuuki’s falling out with his father.

They were finally a family again, and they had cut out some time from themselves to sort things out.

The beach was full of people, and Yuri burst out laughing seeing his son and Yuya playing like kids close to the water.

Then Yuya stopped and reached out a hand toward him, inviting him to join them. Yuri threw a glance at the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing, then at the crowd around him.

In the end, he relinquished his fears. He took the shirt off and went in with them.

He wasn’t afraid of the past.

He had defeated it.

Wana (Trap)

“Did you love Hikaru?”

Yuya’s voice was weak, like the hold on his throat.

He was trapped. He had to answer, but he was scared. Of Yuya, of himself.

“Yuya...”

“Answer me!” the elder yelled.

“Really, I don’t...”

Yuya’s hold got stronger all of a sudden, cutting his breath, scaring him even more.

Yuri held on to his arm, trying to free himself.

“Answer!” he snarled.

“Yes!” he said out loud. “I loved him, he was nice to me. And he loved me, and I killed him!” he hissed in the end, his voice breaking at the pain of those memories.

Yuya pulled away abruptly, as if his skin was burning. Then he turned his back on him and rushed out, slamming the door behind himself.

Yuri kept still, bringing a hand to his throat.

He was trapped. He had always been.

He was always going to be.

X-Men

Yuri sat on Yuuki’s bed. Yuya had just left to keep searching for him, and Yuri had just finished tidying up his son’s bedroom for yet another time.

His eyes went to Yuuki’s collection of comics; he stretched his hand out, grabbing one of them.

It was something about mutants, people with extraordinary powers.

What could he possibly do to find his son?

He didn’t have any ‘X’ gene, he didn’t have powers, he couldn’t read minds, generate storms, make claws appear from his knuckles.

He was nothing, he had nothing.

Never, in his whole life, he had felt so useless.

And never he had wished to hear Yuya’s voice so much, telling him their son was finally safe.

Yamada

Yuri stared outside the window, his eyes empty. He couldn’t think about anything, his mind was blank. He was abandoned, like a broken toy, left to die. He was destined to rot.

He had always believed that nothing could overcome the feeling of loneliness and anguish that he had experienced during his first months with Yuya, but he had been proven wrong.

What could be worse than a monster?

The one who had been created by the monster itself.

Yamada had been marked by Yuya, and he had just acted like him.

Like Yuya, he had mercilessly walked all over him, succeeding where the elder had failed.

And every time he woke up, Yuri hoped it was just another nightmare. But it was not, it was real.

Yuya wasn’t going to be there for him, not anymore.

Zoo

There were few things making Yuri feel at ease as a day spent with Yuya and Yuuki. He liked to go away from the reality of Kabuki-cho, the yakuza, the violence, the perspective of being destined to a life which was far from normal.

And that Sunday, despite the fact that Yuya and Yuuki were practically snoring inside their cups of coffee, he had insisted.

He wanted to go to the zoo, and after a long list of complaints and whining he had managed to convince Yuya to get up from the table.

So they were there, and Yuri listened to Yuuki’s laughter and relished the happiness in Yuya’s eyes; he must’ve taken a thousand pictures.

He sat down on a bench, waiting for them outside the reptile house, smoking a cigarette.

Yuri didn’t know whether that was happiness or not, but if it wasn’t, it was as close as it could be.